It has been almost 6 months since I last cut, but I relapsed a week ago. And I cut pretty badly tonight.

I’ve been into the hospital 3 times. 

The first time I completely destroyed my arms and chest and went to the ER.

The second time my therapist forced me.

The last time my parents forced me. 

I had always used knives until I found the glory of shaving blades. They cut deeper quicker. 

I’m just stuck in this place and have been for the last 4 years. Needless to say my thighs are fucked up because my parents make me wear tanktops.

I mean, I don’t live with them anymore, but I work for my dad and he’s in the office everyday, soooooo I have to show my arms. No one else outside my family knows except two people: Kelsey and Fia. 

Everyone else is in the dark and I feel like I’m lying and I cut even more.

I tell people I have plans for myself in the future and that I want to go far, but the reality is is that I don’t.

I wanted to be a writer at one point, but now I don’t think I’m a good writer anymore. I suck at drawing and all I find time to do is sleep, watch Supernatural, and work. 

I even cancelled my plans tomorrow night so I could stay alone.

I’m so fucking worthless.