It has been almost 6 months since I last cut, but I relapsed a week ago. And I cut pretty badly tonight.
I’ve been into the hospital 3 times.
The first time I completely destroyed my arms and chest and went to the ER.
The second time my therapist forced me.
The last time my parents forced me.
I had always used knives until I found the glory of shaving blades. They cut deeper quicker.
I’m just stuck in this place and have been for the last 4 years. Needless to say my thighs are fucked up because my parents make me wear tanktops.
I mean, I don’t live with them anymore, but I work for my dad and he’s in the office everyday, soooooo I have to show my arms. No one else outside my family knows except two people: Kelsey and Fia.
Everyone else is in the dark and I feel like I’m lying and I cut even more.
I tell people I have plans for myself in the future and that I want to go far, but the reality is is that I don’t.
I wanted to be a writer at one point, but now I don’t think I’m a good writer anymore. I suck at drawing and all I find time to do is sleep, watch Supernatural, and work.
I even cancelled my plans tomorrow night so I could stay alone.
I’m so fucking worthless.